The management would like to apologise for the mistake in our earlier statement. This piece incorrectly stated that this was day 15 with a word count total of 7500 expected. This information was completely inaccurate. Today is day 16 with a total word count of 8000 due. The person responsible for this error has been taken outside and shot. We do not tolerate mistakes. We sincerely apologise for any inconvenience that this may have caused. The management have appointed a new supervisor who is of a much higher calibre than that last incompetent imbecile. The management would like to inform you all that this new supervisor is super hot and awesome, and has just smashed the wall into tiny pieces. She is now basking in the glory of an 8008 word count and plans on celebrating with a marathon Game of Thrones catch up and a cup of tea – cos that’s how this bitch rolls!
Normal transmission will resume tomorrow. Until then the management would like to thank you all for your continued support and patience. It cannot have been easy dealing with the last idiot. You are now on the success bus and we assure you the ride will be a lot more pleasurable from here on in (hee hee!).
We look forward to your company.