Did you ever wake up in a bad mood? Like really in a bad mood. For no reason other than you just are. The day and evening before can have passed happily without incident but, when you open your eyes in the morning the world has slipped slightly off it’s axis. Well that’s me this morning. Feel like I have the Devil on my back, his greasy arms wrapped around my neck and his stale breath licking my skin as he whispers in my ear. He has nothing good to say, only whines out doubts and negativity. Reinforcing the underlying worry that I am not good enough, will never be good enough to write this novel.
I went for a run when I dropped the kids to school, to clear the head but, ended up walking most of it because he weighed too heavy on my shoulders. Came home feeling better for the fresh air but now, after two hours staring at a blank screen and a blank page, the benefits of my early morning jaunt have been slowly but surely erased. I feel very small sitting here. Hate days like these. Need to shake this fucker off.
Going to close the computer, pack away the pen and notebook and stop trying for a while. Think I need a cuppa with a friend and a new perspective. Will chalk this day down to just one of those days. Not giving up. Just giving in.
Dale Carnegie’s words are in my ears ….“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” So while today feels hopeless, I’m looking forward to the joy that tomorrow will bring.